Wednesday, May 26, 2010

thoughts to end the day

it's really a treat that God gives us a memory, you know?

think about all the times that you laugh thinking about those times that made you laugh. and those times that you almost got lost, but the split second before you turned remembered that tacky mail box you hooked a left at last year.

see. two small examples.

i don't know what it is with me right now, but i've been so reflective lately. it's rather odd and actually uncomfortable. at some point or another i figure i just might have to do something with these thoughts. honestly, this "reflective" season has brought to mind some tough truths and tendencies in my life that i don't like.

you ever come home to just home? i get that living alone is not a rare thing, but for me it is. i've pretty much lived by myself for a month between house sitting and my new roommate being away. overall, i haven't really minded it, but it's a lot less comfortable. you might be like, "hold up, what?!"

it's true. i don't have to deal with me that much when someone else is around.

i've been challenged lately about the way i live, who i am living for, and what it looks like, by the way i live, matters. just light topics, really...gees.

the hard part for me is this: how do i deal/wrestle/work out these things (for lack of a better word) effectively and still embrace life and the relationships around me well?

going back to the whole memory thing, i really am amazed at how God uses it to both help us see the good and bad habits of our lives, as well as show us his faithfulness.

3 and a half years ago Jesus saved me. i became different.
a little under 3 years ago roots began to grow in co. i had changed.
a year and four days ago i graduated college. again, a much different person.
the thunderbirds flew today at the airforce graduation. as soon as i saw them, i remembered where i was watching them last year. boy, this girl is not that girl.

over the course of a week to months, it's hard to see change sometimes. it's hard to see why it would be worth it to lean into these challenging thoughts. but here is my closing story, mostly so i can remember:

one late fall morning i got up and decided on a run. so i hit the road that led to the trail down by the waterway. i remember running towards the sunrise; away from the mountains. the sun was bright and air crispy cool. i began to feel tired and i looked down to the ground. lo-and-behold i saw a BudLight bottle cap on the ground. instantly i stopped and just looked at it. and it was so crazy, but it wasn't until THAT moment that i saw the cap that i realized it had snowed the night before. shocking, i know!
somewhere in the following seconds i felt deeply in my heart that God reminded me, "See, i'm at work even when you have no idea." yea, i just stood there for a while, and even decided to keep the bottle cap afterwards.

God, help me remember Your faithfulness. Jesus, please help me have faith.

No comments: