Sunday, July 26, 2009

pre nc chat

my roommate's cat just walked across my computer. her name is Bea. she is pretty tech savvy considering anything that i do on the inet is currently full screen.

as you may, or may not have noticed, i've taken a sabatical from writing. i have just tired of talking about the details of my life for the most part. granite, it's not that easy - especially when there are a lot more unknowns than knowns it seems.

in 3 days i travel to nc for a 2 week visit that i am looking forward to. there are only a few things that i have in mind:
  • spending time with the mom's and pop's
  • seeing friends
  • going golfing with uncle bill
  • eating fish with uncle bill
  • visiting some new mom's that i graduated with...crazy
  • having a cookout with fam
  • going to the beach
  • seeing leslie, lana and kyle at the beach
  • going to a fiddler convention in VA
  • seeing gramma edith
  • visiting wilmington
  • getting homemade peach ice cream on HWY 74!!
  • Eating biscuit's and gravy
  • steak and shake

just a few things.

the reality is that it is okay if none of those happen or if all of them do (and obviously anything in between). i just am hoping for a good time to get to spend time with people that mean a lot to me that i hardly see.

a couple of weeks ago i got the post graduation fear syndrom. PGFS consist of symptoms such as heavy breathing, lack of being able to process thoughts, fickle decision making, and the horrific habit of busying life to capacity in order to avoid accepting reality.

Reality = being fully responsible for bills, jobs, and everything in between. long story short, not so easy to least not for me.

the past couple of weeks have been full of wrestling with "what to do next" and "okay, so how do i pay the bills." as i attempted to give God plenty of great ideas for my future, i became anxious and nervous and fearful. being unsettled and unsure. great combination.

then in the fullness of His grace He reminded me that all my worry is a waste. all of it. nothing is bigger than my God. not a budget, not a car that needs maintenance, not a relationship. nothing at all. matthew 19:26 says, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

that's true. even if it is hard to believe, it is true. as i get ready to head home, it is with more peace than i would have ever expected 2 weeks ago...

So you again, may or may not, want an update. Well, as much as I don't many details, I plan to stay here in CO for now and until at least the end of this year. Not that I am really thinking of moving anywhere, but potentially come Sep. my job as a loan processor will continue to exist! Also as of Sep. my position as the Director of Elementary at Vanguard will end with my 1 year commitment.

I do hope to grow and continue to build relationships here, while trying to care and love those in NC. (though not always good at these.) to NC.