stilling.

settle.  settle. settle.

before one day was You knew them all to be.

great is Your faithfulness.  great is your faithfulness.  morning by morning new mercies i see.  all that i cling to i lay at your feet.  great is your faithfulness, new mercies i see.

today is new.  yesterday was, you were there.  today is, you are here.  now, You. Are. Here.  help me be here with you, and not making up for yesterday where your grace has covered.

peace.  pause.

enough.  sufficient is your grace.

thank You.  forgiven.  graced.  loved.

still.

Abigail

Meet my little cousin Abigail.  Creative, energetic, hilarious, a "tell-it-like-it-is" girl, love filled to the rim, and a sporty spice (yet equally both).  She like the rest of my gal cousins, is absolutely stunning!

Abigail is 8.  A couple of years ago she had a class assignment that required her to write a letter to someone far, far away.  I was her choice recipient in Colorado.  Since moving closer, it's been amazing the way that she just wants to hang out with me.  I have come to terms that it is okay I don't understand everything.  Pure love, yep, that's just beyond me.

What do you do with that?  Really?  I went to watch her play softball today, which sometimes doesn't feel like a lot, but I hope she knows she's great.

But in all of my efforts of trying to love well, live well, and do well, sometimes I wonder if a know how to be loved well, enjoy life well, and be served well.

I am thankful that Abi's unknowing persistence is teaching me to the art of receiving, because...

...we love because He first loved us...

...any ways. (1John 4:19)

Oh, I forgot to mention that Abigail has also handed me down clothes.  I didn't stutter.

Frizz ball to beautiful.

Sometimes, especially here in NC, I wake up with a little frizz ball on my head.  This morning absolutely.  Instead of considering my mane an obstacle to tackle like normal, I thought of a much better idea.

I want one of these!!

It's worth some pondering.

Other references include, but are not limited to:

Macy Gray, Lauryn Hill, Jada Pickett Smith, Willow Smith (with braid alternatives), and Beyonce.

Friends

Friends are amazing.  Sheer gifts.

I began dating a gentleman less than one month after coming to NC.  Three months later we were engaged, and a little over two months following his ring was returned.  Lots has happened lightning fast, but that statement was already thought most likely.

Coryn and her husband Brandon were on top of things and bought a ticket for the wedding well in advance.  Consequently they still had to come and see me even though the only white I wore this past weekend were in the form of bikini strap remains!

The two are both so funny; just best friends doing life together, and it's hilarious.  Laughing so much has done my heart, soul, and mind a wonder and restored me in ways I could not heal alone.

Thankful.

Awake

This is the most beautiful morning in North Carolina since I have been here. Cool, a hint of crispy fall, and blue, blue sky. Sometimes if I wake up early enough the quiet can be heard.

I love the quiet. A faint sound of train railing across town. The dropping of walnuts as squirrels trek branches. Oh, and morning melodies of the birds. I am such a sucker for nature.

_____

In seminary we are encouraged to practice writing. We become as we write. Our own voice speaks as time and words are spent. <-- See!

As I adventure into theology and psychology I welcome community. Fortunately there are endless blog-able topics, however I cannot think of them all. Likewise, yours are better, and I am up for the challenge.

Yes, this will include reflection over my time since moving to North Carolina. As a part of learning my voice, I risk seeing how much my voice is really liked. Me, maybe unlike you, really cares about being liked. That can backfire.

Since I have been told that I look like a teenager practically everyday for the past 2 months, here is some 17 year old advise: be confident, your Maker loves you. That changes everything.

Lenting 14: Morning

Blessed morn' arise to see

another day

come heart believe

find Strength to know

to press

to sing

find Joy in Him

praise unto Thee

glory to Thine Love and Grace

glory to the Son who laid

life and trust to God

His hands

behold upon the Hope

of now

behold upon the Hope

of all

Good morning sun as you rise

Remind me of His Son

Our God

Lenting 13: Ponderous Asking Thoughts

You ever have a lot of questions that you'd love to just ask?..shamelessly, no fear of them being out of line or embarrassing.

I do. All the time. Truth be known, sometimes I do ask. Come to find out, it's mostly not a big deal to the answeree.

Yesterday, for example, a very, very tall man was standing beside me. TALL. And I felt very short.

With relatively little hesitancy I asked, "Sir, can I ask you a question?"

"Six foot seven." He didn't hesitate to respond with a valuable answer at least! However, that wasn't really what I was going for.

"Oh, wow, that's great," I said applaudingly. "I was really wondering though whether you felt as tall right now as I feel short." I think that caught him off guard a bit because I think that he answered that question again with a close-ish answer.

There were laughs. And to be honest, because there were laughs I was okay with the turn out.

We are just people with one life. Sometimes if I don't ask the question I'm thinking to the person near me I might miss a sweet moment. Sweet moments, gosh they are fabulous. Worth the risk so far, but never easier.

However, I've noticed the closer I am with someone the more I hesitate. Not everyone. When you receive enough blunt questions from Mom, you start to ask some yourself.

You ever hesitate to ask Jesus questions? Really, do you? I do. Why when He says to ask.

Matthew 7:8 "But whoever ask receives, whoever seeks finds, whoever knocks the door will be opened to them."

"If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer." Matthew 21:22

And, Jesus has the right to answer somewhat like Tall Tom; a different answer than I expect.

But really, I fear the cost of losing respect and appreciation from someone that's let me enter their life; and them, mine. Or, what if my question is unwelcomed? Or, what if my question doesn't come out right? Or, what if I'm asking for too much? Too little?

Knowing that there are certainly moments to keep it shut, I just am thoughtful now of what holds me back. Others back.

Yea, i've had some bad experiences. Some well deserved, and others not.

To end my thoughts. God, can you please help me, help us to ask You what we want to? Need to? By the way, can You help us trust Your response?

Thanks.