trailing thoughts...and a new job

You ever have those moments that you want to remember more often? Moments that remind you to appreciate, or how much you are thankful, or the gift of being forgiven, or how good it is to laugh.


I lack in remembering. Never in my life would I have thought that I would say this, "but it is so nice to be at home...even if I am alone." Ahhh. Home.


Snow is slowly covering the streets just like it's covered lots of other homes and bushes. It seems like if I took time like this more often, it would help me to appreciate the gift of life more. Appreciate how nice it is to have a warm home (granted, I understand warm is relative), and just think. Think or not think. Ha.


I need to and want to think. This past Monday I put in my two-week notice at work. This has been so hard for me to grasp. Why am I leaving? What was the purpose of the 15 months that I was at TSM with Jon? God, why are you moving me to a different job? Why do I feel sad? Is it okay that I feel sad and excited, and nervous, and fear?


I know that I shouldn't fear. I know that "God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." (2 Tim. 1:7) I get that. So my hope is that God will help remove my fear. The fear that makes me scared of failure, scared of new things, scared of commitment, scared of new relationships that will allow people to know me, and scared of not knowing what this new job will look like. I need God's love and grace in my life. I need Him in His fullness to fill me (Eph 1:23). Because He is love (1 John 4:8,16). And Perfect love cast out all fear (1 John 4:18).

I have to connect the dots and remember His promises. Like I said I am so forgetful. I'll forget before I finish this post.


The reality is that I can hardly believe that I have this opportunity. I'll be working with a child sponsorship organization called Mission of Mercy, a part of a team that helps with the communication between the child and the sponsor. What a treat. Wow. Seriously wow.

When I went on my interview there were packages from other countries holding letters from children. Wow. Wow. God, You are so amazing. I can't wrap my mind around His love for us.

Wintry NC!

Snow is headed in through Sunday. Maybe some snow cream this go-round!

Thought some pics of the snowy beach that were taken by Madre and Padre:





That snow man is hilarious. :)

Holla Holla

Yesterday was Madre's birthday. She's a lot of fun to celebrate. I told her that I celebrated her by pulling out a meatloaf she had made and dad smuggled into Colorado out of the freezer. So good. I mean SO GOOD. Seriously, anyone who reads this, never - repeat NEVER- expect me to cook like my mother. There are some things that are just impossible in this world and that is one of them. I know Christ can give me strength, but in my weakness...yikes! Praise God for my mother and who she is.

Presently I am training for the Ft. Collins Marathon, May 9. Boy o'boy. It's been a real treat to train. Really. Unfortunately due to cold weather and working a "big girl" job I've been running mostly on the treadmill (treddy, as I like to call 'em). But today, outside I adventure. 12 miles on the ole' Sante Fe trail. Rumor has it, the trail reaches to the tip of the connected US into Canada all the way down through NM. I'm not up for testing the rumor, but i'm sure you can google it! :)

Lastly, have you ever read Ezekiel? CRAZY STUFF! I think I would have really admired Ezekiel or thought he was crazy. I feel others would agree. However, as I read all the things that God has him do I just want to hug the guy. I mean Ezekiel had to dig through a wall like an exile, bake his bread over poo, and see his wife die and not mourn about it. I don't know...but I read this today:

Ezekiel 37:24-25

My servant David will be king over them, and they will all have one shepherd; and they will walk in My ordinances and keep My statutes and observe them.

They will live on the land that I gave to Jacob My servant, in which your fathers lived; and their sons' sons, forever and David My servant will be their prince forever.

This made my heart leap in expectation for Jesus. I know that we live post Jesus coming and dying on the cross for us, but WOW. One Shepherd to come and be our King.

God goes on to say through Ezekiel in verse 27 that, "My dwelling place will also be with them; and I will be their God, and they will be My people." I like that He straight up calls us His. We are His and because of Jesus...Immanuel...God with us...we have a Prince that paid the price for us to be with God forever.

I'm glad Ezekiel did and said what he did. He had some good news to share for sure.

Happy Feb 6.

celebrating. home.

Today is my first full day back in CO in 2010. It's nice to be back. I am celebrating this morning though. A glass of funky tasting milk, half a grapefruit and a banana. Funky tasting things don't bother me mostly, or at least they won't keep me from celebrating.

I called mom in the Springs Airport. Her first words were, "Are you home?!" For the life of me I don't know where those words came from. I think of those this morning as I celebrate.

You like blue grass? I sure do. There's not a lot of things that twang to the melody of my soul like blue grass. Have you ever heard Moses' words to a bluegrass tune? It's a treat. You won't regret having heard it...especially when you celebrate.

Home is where the heart is you know? I'm coming to believe that more and more.

Waking up to Mom and Dad stirring grits and frying bacon. My heart is there. I'm at home.
Coffee cup in hand and talking life with my cousin Lisa. My heart is there. I'm at home.
Driving Interstate 85 eastbound to Goldsboro, NC watching the sun fill the trees barren branches. My heart is there. I'm at home.

When I get to look into my Gramma Edith eyes as she searches my familiar face telling me she loves me before she says it. My heart is with her. I'm at home.
Getting to see the smiles on the faces of my friend as they lift their little girls with their loving arms to feed them. My heart is with them. I'm at home.

Running on the treadmill I think of my Gottshchalk family, or friends heading to other countries and in other states. My heart is with them. I am at home.
As the frosted ground this morning shows it's face and I think of tonight spending time with the Tillman family before a week full of work. My heart is here. I'm at home.

I am at home on the journey home I suppose.

I have so much to celebrate. My time in NC has been FULL and beautiful. I am encouraged and loved by so many encouraging and loving people. I must celebrate the lives, friendships, and family that surrounds me. I cheers my funky milk. I'm thankful.

cool

it's 1 degree warmer in antarctica right now than c.springs. Sweet!

granted, it is snowing down there. just foggy here!

8.28.09 yikes.

just to let you know. I love you and am thinking about you.

you, fam. you, friends. golly, i am thankful to share life with you. it's like i wish that we can all meet in the middle somewhere and just celebrate for a week. be refreshed in being with those who love and know us.

some things of note i'd like to share briefly before work:

• NC rocked! period. i'm so thankful for my friends and family who graciously let me slip into their life for a few days. elaboration soon.
• nights are cold here. seriously, i'm sleeping under 3-4 layers...including a down comforter. i'm such a wimp.
• i have only 3 days left on staff at vanguard church. after agreeing to a year commitment it seems good to step down from my position and i'm thankful to be able to train Mark these past few weeks. it's a good excuse to get to have dinner with his fam. his wife patti makes bangin' bread!!
• currently, i am still processing mortgage loans! refinance...purchase anyone??! serious.
• i have had a compassion kid for i think over a year now and i got wonderful news yesterday: HE IS GOING TO COLLEGE!! Isn't that wonderful. Thank you, thank you, thank you Jesus! He lives in Kenya and will be going to school to be a civil engineer. Whooo. I'm so proud of Samuel's hard work and thankful that God sees that and is rewarding him.
• Life is much different and I covet your prayers. I struggle with believing that this will be a good season of life. I struggle with not having joy. It is not fun for me to trust that God will provide a job come Dec. (will have to be a later post) Sometimes things like this can fill my thoughts. There is so much to celebrate and be thankful for in my life, and i don't want to lose sight of that in this new season.

Okay. Late for work. And again, thank you for your love and support. Those near and far. You bless me.

pre nc chat

my roommate's cat just walked across my computer. her name is Bea. she is pretty tech savvy considering anything that i do on the inet is currently full screen.

as you may, or may not have noticed, i've taken a sabatical from writing. i have just tired of talking about the details of my life for the most part. granite, it's not that easy - especially when there are a lot more unknowns than knowns it seems.

in 3 days i travel to nc for a 2 week visit that i am looking forward to. there are only a few things that i have in mind:

• spending time with the mom's and pop's
• seeing friends
• going golfing with uncle bill
• eating fish with uncle bill
• visiting some new mom's that i graduated with...crazy
• having a cookout with fam
• going to the beach
• seeing leslie, lana and kyle at the beach
• going to a fiddler convention in VA
• seeing gramma edith
• visiting wilmington
• getting homemade peach ice cream on HWY 74!!
• Eating biscuit's and gravy
• steak and shake

just a few things.

the reality is that it is okay if none of those happen or if all of them do (and obviously anything in between). i just am hoping for a good time to get to spend time with people that mean a lot to me that i hardly see.

a couple of weeks ago i got the post graduation fear syndrom. PGFS consist of symptoms such as heavy breathing, lack of being able to process thoughts, fickle decision making, and the horrific habit of busying life to capacity in order to avoid accepting reality.

Reality = being fully responsible for bills, jobs, and everything in between. long story short, not so easy to accept...at least not for me.

the past couple of weeks have been full of wrestling with "what to do next" and "okay, so how do i pay the bills." as i attempted to give God plenty of great ideas for my future, i became anxious and nervous and fearful. being unsettled and unsure. great combination.

then in the fullness of His grace He reminded me that all my worry is a waste. all of it. nothing is bigger than my God. not a budget, not a car that needs maintenance, not a relationship. nothing at all. matthew 19:26 says, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."

that's true. even if it is hard to believe, it is true. as i get ready to head home, it is with more peace than i would have ever expected 2 weeks ago...

So you again, may or may not, want an update. Well, as much as I don't many details, I plan to stay here in CO for now and until at least the end of this year. Not that I am really thinking of moving anywhere, but potentially come Sep. my job as a loan processor will continue to exist! Also as of Sep. my position as the Director of Elementary at Vanguard will end with my 1 year commitment.

I do hope to grow and continue to build relationships here, while trying to care and love those in NC. (though not always good at these.)

Well...off to NC.