summer...in brief

1. Getting to see these beautiful girls take on life, be challenge, and grow in their knowledge and love of Jesus! I love, love these girls.

2. Going camping with these girls has changed my life forever! I have never laughed so hard in my life. And...not to mention these girls put on their own talent show. I'm convinced these girls will rock this world.

3. Mission of Mercy has been so good to work at. For many reasons, but really, it's unbelievable the encouragement you receive by working with a team that's seeking the same goal. Oh, wonderful team and friends celebrating our friend Charlotte leaving for Swaziland.

4. Dancing, dancing, dancing. My dear and hilarious friend Riccara had a birthday ball! Yes, amazing. As you can see, the princess herself is in the middle. She's such a blast to celebrate, and oh how i have missed being on the dance floor with friends.

(Meredith, Rudy, Ricci, Raleigh, Me)

5. Friends, fires, and freezing rain. Honestly this was one of my most memorable 4th of July's. Laura, Jamie, Steve, and I went to Rampart Reservior to celebrate freedom :). We did. And before we could finish our first smore the hail started to come, went down my britches mind you, and called our celebrating an early quits. None the less...so fun. So rich.
6. And....because Tyra (right of guitar) and Crystal (holding guitar) are gifted in getting tickets on the radio, we may have seen GooGoo Dolls and Switchfoot in concert. And may have met them before the show. This was soooooo fun. So fun. Switchfoot is a really sweet band. The guy with the glasses in his shirt, John, played the guitar with his teeth. Yep. He did.
7. Hahahaha. Tinabell!! This should really be closer to the top since Kristina came the 26th of June. At the top of pike's peak we were getting snowed on! Ha. We got to make lots of memories. Midnight bikeride. Drove through the mountains. Laughed. Got coffee. Ect...ect.

There is really so much to say, but I am blessed to have a friend in this girl.

Marathoned

The funny part about posting this is that i haven't documented a lick of the process. This past Sunday, I along with my friends Ashley and Coryn (see below) crossed the finish line at 4 hours and 30 minutes. Training was full of ups and downs. Literally with the terrain, and also in all the other aspects. It's amazing the physical, mental, emotional, and even spiritual struggle and growth that takes place. Having a "team" which we respectfully called ourselves "Brooks Babes" was key. (we all wear brooks :) ). I needed the accountability and support. However, the laughs and convo's on the long runs were invaluable.

We also worked on celebrating, by at least once a month having a Sunday cookout/hangout time! Got to celebrate...got to!

AND... the parentals came along with my Aunt Donna! Poor, Aunt Donna. I'm pretty sure that everyone thinks that her name is "Auntdonna" that i introduced her to. One word. Auntdonna.

We went up the Peak and visited Garden of the gods before heading to steamboat.

Once we got to steamboat, the fam went on a hike while i did some last minute prep for the run:

Oh it made me sooooo happy to have them here: the fam along with my friend, Riccara, who received the full Edwards experience...gas and all. Even in CO there was a lot of front porch sittin' at the Hotel Bristol, which was only 3 blocks from the finish.

And the race...oh the race. It was beautiful! The course was pretty hilly which made for a sore yesterday and today, but every step was worth it. There is a sweetness in crossing the finish line that really can't be understood unless you experience it.

Some people say that you "get the marathon bug." I wouldn't argue it. Today i couldn't even rest my legs another day. I wanted to get out on trail again.

I think what might be hard for me to ever let go are the times of just being away, running, and thinking. Without trying to put expectations on what happens when i run, i can't help but to say that I am a different Calli than i was before i started this training.

call me a dork, but when i saw this picture below i thought, "yea, this is me." running does bring a smile to my face. a friend, charlotte, asked me at work, "how do you do it?" i told her after thinking on it, "one step at a time i guess." i've felt purged in this training. sometimes thinking of running another mile seems impossible; like there is nothing left in me. sometimes all i have is one step to give. it's amazing to find yourself 26.2 miles later at the finish.

regardless of what the racing future holds, i hope i can remember that truth as i move forward in life. i also hope that i remember to celebrate well too.

instead of having to take an ice bath, which i avoided the whole training, i told ash and coryn i'd get in the river with them. pure snow melt! so cold.

deep breath

so in the midst of some of the "ick" that it seems i've been posting, it seems fair and good to reflect on the sweetness of life.

today makes that pretty easy.

it's not very often that many of the people that mean so much to me i am able to see in one day. i wouldn't want everyday to be this way simply because that means i'd never really share life in a deeper and fuller way. but seems as if today was a reminder of how God's goodness is now in my life.

here are some of the things and people i am thankful for:

i'm thankful to have a church family that i can grow and change with, be challenged with, and know Jesus more with.
i'm thankful for amazing places to hike (4 hikes in 3 days so far this weekend. thank you, Jesus.)
i'm thankful to get a phone call from my brother. i love his boyish laugh.
i'm thankful to be able to watch, love, and share life with the middle boys and girls at vanguard. they are so gifted and so precious. God has amazing plans for them.
i'm thankful that ashley, coryn, and i are 1 week away from running the steamboat marathon.
i'm thankful for a God that has given His Son out of His ridiculous love for my sins. And not just that, but gives me the grace to continue to know Him...
i'm thankful for a mom and dad who love each other.
i'm thankful for discount grocery stores.
and, i'm thankful for great examples of people of faith, integrity and hope in my life.
4 bean sprouts and 3 given tomato plants...thank You.
memories with friends...thank You.
having memorial day off...thank You.
celebrating friends graduating...thank You.
freedom...thank You.
lastly, considering it's getting late, i'm thankful for rest.

thoughts to end the day

it's really a treat that God gives us a memory, you know?

think about all the times that you laugh thinking about those times that made you laugh. and those times that you almost got lost, but then...at the split second before you turned around...you remembered that tacky mail box you hooked a left at last year.

see. two small examples.

i don't know what it is with me right now, but i've been so reflective lately. it's rather odd and actually uncomfortable. at some point or another i figure i just might have to do something with these thoughts. honestly, this "reflective" season has brought to mind some tough truths and tendencies in my life that i don't like.

you ever come home to just home? i get that living alone is not a rare thing, but for me it is. i've pretty much lived by myself for a month between house sitting and my new roommate being away. overall, i haven't really minded it, but it's a lot less comfortable. you might be like, "hold up, what?!"

it's true. i don't have to deal with me that much when someone else is around.

i've been challenged lately about the way i live, who i am living for, and what it looks like, by the way i live, matters. just light topics, really...gees.

the hard part for me is this: how do i deal/wrestle/work out these things (for lack of a better word) effectively and still embrace life and the relationships around me well?

going back to the whole memory thing, i really am amazed at how God uses it to both help us see the good and bad habits of our lives, as well as show us his faithfulness.

3 and a half years ago Jesus saved me. i became different.
a little under 3 years ago roots began to grow in co. i had changed.
a year and four days ago i graduated college. again, a much different person.
the thunderbirds flew today at the airforce graduation. as soon as i saw them, i remembered where i was watching them last year. boy, this girl is not that girl.

over the course of a week to months, it's hard to see change sometimes. it's hard to see why it would be worth it to lean into these challenging thoughts. but here is my closing story, mostly so i can remember:

one late fall morning i got up and decided on a run. so i hit the road that led to the trail down by the waterway. i remember running towards the sunrise; away from the mountains. the sun was bright and air crispy cool. i began to feel tired and i looked down to the ground. lo-and-behold i saw a BudLight bottle cap on the ground. instantly i stopped and just looked at it. and it was so crazy, but it wasn't until THAT moment that i saw the cap that i realized it had snowed the night before. shocking, i know!
somewhere in the following seconds i felt deeply in my heart that God reminded me, "See, i'm at work even when you have no idea." yea, i just stood there for a while, and even decided to keep the bottle cap afterwards.

God, help me remember Your faithfulness. Jesus, please help me have faith.

here.

there are a lot of places to live in this world. because it's my job, i read letters from all over everyday. i'm amazed at the appreciation that people have for the beauty of where they live:

"the mountains here are so beautiful."

"we live in texas where it is hot and humid, but we are thankful for the home we have."

"here in south dakota it's mostly flat and we get lots of snow...but we like the peace and quiet."

"here in pennsylvania we have four seasons."

it's neat to reflect on these things. my parents were sitting on the front porch of their beach home earlier today just soaking in the "sweetness" or goodness of where they were. I couldn't figure out if dad saying, "i'm leaving home to go to work", or mom's, "we're just sitting here as the wind chims silently jingle" was the most entertaining statement made.

right before i chatted with the hopefully-nearly retired couple, i had just stepped outside and thought, "gah, i love the quietness of colorado." i do. i'm so thankful. my heart is glad here. my mind is a peace and stiller in those moments. i feel like this is good for me in life.

this afternoon i also broke up the ground and began to plant some veggies. the dirt was cool and soft under my feet. this brought a smile on my face too.

i forget these little treasures that God provides. they're more abundant than I know or care to recognize.

Processing

i was on the way home tonight after hanging out with some sweet friends, and this verse came to mind:
John 16:33: "These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world."

So now, after looking at this verse, I think...that's funny. Courage is the last thing I take, or even want to take. I take fear. I take revenge. I take another bite of homemade granola. I take a friend who is safe and go have dinner. I take a "better" perspective. I take whatever stops the hurt.

Truth is, I take the options that puts on the "i'm courageously dealing with this and i'm over it" cover instead of courage. Courage in this verse means to be of good cheer, or of good comfort. Really?

There is a family at our church that just lost a husband and a father. This brings lots of questions to my mind. I've had some very distant moments with God today just trying to process who He is and what He thinks He is doing. Even though I only know this family a little, I can't stand to watch or see the affects of this loss.

I don't understand. I am not sure if I ever will. My heart is heavy for this family and I know they need the comfort that only God can give them and would be foolish to think otherwise.

But personally, this comfort is hard to receive for myself. In my mind and heart I know and believe that God is so loving, fair, just. However, when I feel the way I feel right now, it's hard to choose courage, or cheerfulness, or comfort. When I see God's decision in some things I'm not sure if being comforted by Him is my first choice.

It's a grinding process to deal with these things, regardless of how directly or indirectly they are. It makes me think of how amplified this must be for Jeni and her children. Jesus, we need You.

spring change

tomorrow morning i am helping raleigh move out and into her new home for the next coming months. i haven't really wanted to think about it. up to this point i know in my heart that this is a good move for our friendship and our personal lives. but that's it.

for the sake of not putting any words in raleigh's mouth, i'll keep this post reflective of my own heart. it's good for me to do this anyways. i'm hoping at least.

i am really looking forward to what is ahead in a lot of ways. my new roommate, and friend of a couple years i believe, rachel lake is moving into 314 with me. it excites me to think how timely raleigh's leaving is in conjunction with rachel looking for a place to stay, and even someone to live with...i'm glad it's me.

there is a mix of excitement and apprehension, joy and grief, and also the deep "i don't know" about change. personally i think rather highly of myself as a roommate. (raleigh's point of view not included :) ). i offer laughter, deep conversation if desired, a habit of stress relieving by dish washing, and i'm always up for a hug....bring it on.

i think what makes me most nervous about sharing house and home with someone is the messiness that i feel i often have trouble keeping contained. i don't mean clothes or dragging in the days dirt on my shoes, but more so the "mess" of my life. as much as i hate to admit it, i am still trying to figure out who i am in a lot of ways. and in the midst of that, getting to know Jesus, and how to live life fully in the relationships He has placed in my life. (sounds so messy i'm not sure that makes sense.)

reality is, i don't want rachel or anyone to see me vulnerable, uncertain at times, and witness the mistakes that i make. i'm prideful and insecure. loneliness and receiving a negative perception from someone are my greatest fears. this is a daily fight for me.

i fight daily to remember my acceptance and approval from God. i fight daily to remember Jesus' love for me.

truth is, God is faithful always. everyday. everyday.

there is a sara groves song, "every minute," that states these words:

cause if you sit at home you are a loser

couldn't you find anything better to do?

well, no, i couldn't think of one thing

i'd rather waste my time on than sitting here with you

at the risk of wearing out my welcome
at the risk of self discovery
i'll take every moment
and every minute that you give me...

i came across these words this past week and my heart aches to be here. this is also a massive fight against my flesh and the habits of my 22 years of life.

mess.

in the midst of this, God has placed friends in my life that i watch pursue knowing Him. these friends are changed and are being changed. and there is a sweetness in that.

sometimes the messiness of my life makes it hard to think i'm knowing Jesus more. that is a lie...one of my friends told me that.

well, all i can say is, here we go...and i'm actually excited at this point. which seems like that makes sense. :)

Father, thank You for letting me live with Raleigh. And, thank You that you are letting me live with Rachel...and her fluffy, sweet dog Molly. You are always with us, and You love us.

i'm lost without You. give me a map to the
desert and watch me seek a fountain.
searching. seeing. finding grains upon sand
and dying.

deserted.

why would You have been
there? the heat was having a field day,
but You hadn't noticed. at least
You could have fooled me.

You wanted to walk and Your
still here.

found.

10 cents...

I have never wanted 10 cents more in my life than today.

Today has been a fabulous days. Seriously.

Great nights sleep. Great 10 + hours of work. Ride home to an overcast sky and a chat with the parentals. And a quick change into the walk attire. Then...

So I went on this walk. At first it was mostly for cross-training, but then I found the exercise was more for my mind than my legs. God bless those poor limbs.

Picture this: I'm trekking mildly fast up the last street of the evening. I see a boy (let's call him Skippy), say 6 or 7, barefoot and calling across the street to some hardly interested scooter and bike riding 8 or 9 year old's. Possibly perceived as cooler than the younger lad. Skippy eventually took his attention off of the other boys and skips back and forth a couple of times, THEN starts skipping to me. The conversation proceeds as follows:

Skippy: "Hi."
Me: "Hi."
Skippy: "Do you have 10 cents?"
Me: ooo. I'm thinking that would be hard to find. (Searching my pockets.)
Skippy: "Oh, because if you had 10 cents or even a dollar I can sing you a song."
(I look at the boy. I wait patiently for him to say "ha, just kidding." Skippy keeps slowly skipping beside of me and starts to look a little sad.)
Me: I'm sorry, but I don't have anything for you. But I can listen. (Lame response to sad Skippy.)
Skippy: Sorry. I can't sing for you for less than 10 cents.
Me: Oh, sad. (Sounding in unbelief. Because I was.) I really don't have 10 cents. (Frantically searching all corners of my pocket at this point. Straight empty.)
Skippy: Never mind, and my songs are my own songs and no one else has them.
(Totally dissed at this point, my jaw drops and I walk off. Skippy skips the other direction towards the now slightly interested boys.)

As soon as a walk off I hear Skippy talking with the scooter and bike boys:
Scooter Boy: "We really don't have 10 cents."
Skippy: "Are you serious? You mean you don't get allowance?!"


Now, I'm not sure of all that happens within the next 20 yards that I slowly make my way home, but the last I could hear - Skippy was singing. That made me happy and quite convinced Skippy's boldness is stellar.

I just remember thinking over and over. "Really? That just happened?"

It did. And, lesson learned. Always carry 10 cents.

trailing thoughts...and a new job

You ever have those moments that you want to remember more often? Moments that remind you to appreciate, or how much you are thankful, or the gift of being forgiven, or how good it is to laugh.


I lack in remembering. Never in my life would I have thought that I would say this, "but it is so nice to be at home...even if I am alone." Ahhh. Home.


Snow is slowly covering the streets just like it's covered lots of other homes and bushes. It seems like if I took time like this more often, it would help me to appreciate the gift of life more. Appreciate how nice it is to have a warm home (granted, I understand warm is relative), and just think. Think or not think. Ha.


I need to and want to think. This past Monday I put in my two-week notice at work. This has been so hard for me to grasp. Why am I leaving? What was the purpose of the 15 months that I was at TSM with Jon? God, why are you moving me to a different job? Why do I feel sad? Is it okay that I feel sad and excited, and nervous, and fear?


I know that I shouldn't fear. I know that "God did not give us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and of a sound mind." (2 Tim. 1:7) I get that. So my hope is that God will help remove my fear. The fear that makes me scared of failure, scared of new things, scared of commitment, scared of new relationships that will allow people to know me, and scared of not knowing what this new job will look like. I need God's love and grace in my life. I need Him in His fullness to fill me (Eph 1:23). Because He is love (1 John 4:8,16). And Perfect love cast out all fear (1 John 4:18).

I have to connect the dots and remember His promises. Like I said I am so forgetful. I'll forget before I finish this post.


The reality is that I can hardly believe that I have this opportunity. I'll be working with a child sponsorship organization called Mission of Mercy, a part of a team that helps with the communication between the child and the sponsor. What a treat. Wow. Seriously wow.

When I went on my interview there were packages from other countries holding letters from children. Wow. Wow. God, You are so amazing. I can't wrap my mind around His love for us.

Wintry NC!

Snow is headed in through Sunday. Maybe some snow cream this go-round!

Thought some pics of the snowy beach that were taken by Madre and Padre:





That snow man is hilarious. :)

Holla Holla

Yesterday was Madre's birthday. She's a lot of fun to celebrate. I told her that I celebrated her by pulling out a meatloaf she had made and dad smuggled into Colorado out of the freezer. So good. I mean SO GOOD. Seriously, anyone who reads this, never - repeat NEVER- expect me to cook like my mother. There are some things that are just impossible in this world and that is one of them. I know Christ can give me strength, but in my weakness...yikes! Praise God for my mother and who she is.

Presently I am training for the Ft. Collins Marathon, May 9. Boy o'boy. It's been a real treat to train. Really. Unfortunately due to cold weather and working a "big girl" job I've been running mostly on the treadmill (treddy, as I like to call 'em). But today, outside I adventure. 12 miles on the ole' Sante Fe trail. Rumor has it, the trail reaches to the tip of the connected US into Canada all the way down through NM. I'm not up for testing the rumor, but i'm sure you can google it! :)

Lastly, have you ever read Ezekiel? CRAZY STUFF! I think I would have really admired Ezekiel or thought he was crazy. I feel others would agree. However, as I read all the things that God has him do I just want to hug the guy. I mean Ezekiel had to dig through a wall like an exile, bake his bread over poo, and see his wife die and not mourn about it. I don't know...but I read this today:

Ezekiel 37:24-25

My servant David will be king over them, and they will all have one shepherd; and they will walk in My ordinances and keep My statutes and observe them.

They will live on the land that I gave to Jacob My servant, in which your fathers lived; and their sons' sons, forever and David My servant will be their prince forever.

This made my heart leap in expectation for Jesus. I know that we live post Jesus coming and dying on the cross for us, but WOW. One Shepherd to come and be our King.

God goes on to say through Ezekiel in verse 27 that, "My dwelling place will also be with them; and I will be their God, and they will be My people." I like that He straight up calls us His. We are His and because of Jesus...Immanuel...God with us...we have a Prince that paid the price for us to be with God forever.

I'm glad Ezekiel did and said what he did. He had some good news to share for sure.

Happy Feb 6.

celebrating. home.

Today is my first full day back in CO in 2010. It's nice to be back. I am celebrating this morning though. A glass of funky tasting milk, half a grapefruit and a banana. Funky tasting things don't bother me mostly, or at least they won't keep me from celebrating.

I called mom in the Springs Airport. Her first words were, "Are you home?!" For the life of me I don't know where those words came from. I think of those this morning as I celebrate.

You like blue grass? I sure do. There's not a lot of things that twang to the melody of my soul like blue grass. Have you ever heard Moses' words to a bluegrass tune? It's a treat. You won't regret having heard it...especially when you celebrate.

Home is where the heart is you know? I'm coming to believe that more and more.

Waking up to Mom and Dad stirring grits and frying bacon. My heart is there. I'm at home.
Coffee cup in hand and talking life with my cousin Lisa. My heart is there. I'm at home.
Driving Interstate 85 eastbound to Goldsboro, NC watching the sun fill the trees barren branches. My heart is there. I'm at home.

When I get to look into my Gramma Edith eyes as she searches my familiar face telling me she loves me before she says it. My heart is with her. I'm at home.
Getting to see the smiles on the faces of my friend as they lift their little girls with their loving arms to feed them. My heart is with them. I'm at home.

Running on the treadmill I think of my Gottshchalk family, or friends heading to other countries and in other states. My heart is with them. I am at home.
As the frosted ground this morning shows it's face and I think of tonight spending time with the Tillman family before a week full of work. My heart is here. I'm at home.

I am at home on the journey home I suppose.

I have so much to celebrate. My time in NC has been FULL and beautiful. I am encouraged and loved by so many encouraging and loving people. I must celebrate the lives, friendships, and family that surrounds me. I cheers my funky milk. I'm thankful.